


jump

by perhapssoon



Series: switched au [5]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Implied Character Death, Lots of it, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, eric is a sad boi, jeremy is upset, subtle hints at what happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 21:55:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapssoon/pseuds/perhapssoon
Summary: Jeremy’s standing on the bridge. The only decision left to make is if he’s going to jump or not.





	jump

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DontDiePls28](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontDiePls28/gifts).



> What am I doing to my life. Enjoy this really really short angst.

The river was cold and dark, rushing along in currents that threatened to swallow Jeremy up if he dared to step any closer. He glanced to his left; Eric stood besides him, eyebrows raised expectantly. 

“You gonna jump?”

Jeremy shrugged, eyes focused on a rock directly below him. He remembered trying to jump to that rock from the riverbanks with Eric when they were younger; both of them laughing wildly and slipping into the water and coming home dripping wet, cheeks flushed and hair soaked. “Maybe.”

“You shouldn’t.”

Jeremy’s eyes met Eric’s for a brief moment. “You’re one to talk.”

Eric sighed, shoulders slumping slightly. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You could’ve told me, you know.”

“About what? My crush? You wouldn’t have understood back then.”

A flash of annoyance spread through Jeremy’s body as he glared briefly at his friend. “I would’ve. I was your friend! It’s my job to understand your problems.”

Eric just shrugged. “It’s done now. No going back.” He glanced down at the river and back to the teen beside him. “You need to make your own decision though. I made mine. It’s your turn.”

Jeremy watched the currents crash over the rock, breaking into pieces at something so sturdy. “Do you think anyone would miss me?”

“Yeah,” Eric sounded exasperated and Jeremy didn’t bother to look at him again. “Michael’s one. Brooke’s another. Jake and Rich would as well. And Chloe, believe it or not. Maybe even Jenna because you’re her source of gossip.”

“And you?”

Eric didn’t answer, the silence between them hanging heavy with unshed tears and invisible depression. “I-I don’t know. I would miss you.”

“Because you like me?” Jeremy finally raised his gaze to stare at his friend. He was surprised to see tears tracing their way down Eric’s face. Eric was not someone to express emotion that easily so Jeremy was caught off guard. 

“No. It’s because I love you,” was the response. 

“Then why did you do it?”

Eric grimaced. “Too much going on. Not enough strength to handle it.”

“You could’ve talked to me,” Jeremy said, attention turning back to that sole rock in the river. 

“When you were SQUIPed? No. That would only make your situation worse. And I couldn’t have said anything when you were dating Michael. You were so happy together, I couldn’t—“ he cut himself off abruptly but Jeremy understood what he was trying to say. 

“You couldn’t interrupt that for your own reasons,” Jeremy finished. 

Eric nodded. 

Jeremy had an urge to yell, but decided against it. “How long have you liked me?” he asked instead. 

“Since I first met you,” Eric replied. “Nearly a decade.”

“And you never thought to tell me?”

“My family...” Eric trailed off and Jeremy felt a stab of guilt. 

“I’m so sorry.” Jeremy said softly. 

“It’s nothing,” Eric said, smiling despite his tears. “It’s over now anyway. “

“That wasn’t an excuse!”

“I know.” Eric stared down at the river. “It was selfish of me. I’m sorry.”

“Damn right you should be sorry!”

Eric flinched away, and Jeremy lowered his tone. This was the only time when he’d ever seen Eric so vulnerable and it hurt. A lot. 

“It just really hurt to get that letter home, you know?”

Eric glanced over at him. “I do. I understand. So now you should know what Michael would feel if you jumped as well.”

Jeremy stiffened. “You can’t tell me what to do. Our friendship was toxic in high school, you know that.”

“Yes, and I apologize,” Eric said again. “But think about Michael. Please?”

Jeremy stared down at the river again. The rock was still there, as always. He stepped away from the edge reluctantly. “Fine. I’m only doing it for Michael.”

“Good choice.” With that, Eric faded away into mist and good memories while Jeremy was left to his unspoken: _I’m doing it for you too. I only wish I knew sooner._

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry. :(


End file.
